Discovering Love
Navigating the complexities of falling in love with a person from another country can be quite the daunting, but fear not! Factors such as culture, age, location, background, education, and personal preferences all play a role in determining what your special someone finds attractive or offensive in you. Drawing from my years of experience here in the Philippines, I will do my utmost to shed light on this mysterious process. While it ultimately comes down to personal perspective, I am thrilled to help you through the enchanting world of courting in the Philippines.
Meeting Each Other
Filipinas are known for being loving, romantic, sweet, caring, feminine, and devoted women. When it comes to finding a partner, many couples meet through mutual connections like classmates, colleagues, or friends of friends. Some even connect through dating sites, although there is a misconception that women on these sites are all scammers or losers. In reality, many of these women are
intelligent, independent, and beautiful individuals who are not afraid to go after what they want. So, don't be quick to judge - you may just find the perfect match in a Filipina! Now, let's talk about how locals date. When a guy is interested in a girl, he'll show it in subtle ways like smiling at her often or trying to spend more time with her. For instance, if they work together, he might try to sit next to her during
meetings or offer to help her with tasks just to be around her.
If she's into him, she'll usually go along with it. But if she's not feeling it, she'll make excuses to keep her distance, like saying she's waiting for someone or doesn't need help. Filipinos aren't big on confrontation, so the girl will try not to embarrass him. She'll make sure not to come off as sarcastic or overly dramatic, because that could turn other suitors off. Nobody wants to be embarrassed in public, whether
they're a guy or a girl. Sometimes a guy might see a girl as a challenge and try to win her over, but if he gets rejected, he'll usually steer clear. On the other hand, when a girl likes a guy, she'll keep it on the down-low. She won't come right out and tell him how she feels, instead waiting for him to make the first move. If a girl does make the first move, she might be judged as being too forward or promiscuous, which isn't
fair. Typically, a girl will try to catch the guy's attention by hanging out where he does, hoping he'll take the hint and ask her out. If he doesn't, well, que sera sera! Eventually, the guy will ask the girl out on a date, and their relationship will start to blossom. When it's time for the girl to introduce him to her parents, he'll have to show them that he's worthy of their daughter. If her parents approve, the guy should
formally ask the girl to be his girlfriend, even though it's mostly just a formality at that point. If a girl keeps dating a guy without committing, she might get a reputation for leading guys on and toying with their emotions, which isn't well excepted here. Once the couple is officially together, the guy will introduce the girl to his parents, and they'll start attending family events together. After about a year (assuming they haven't broken up), the guy will pop the question and ask the girl to marry him. And that's how the story often goes here!
Culture and Tradition
Although the dating customs mentioned above may be considered old-fashioned by today's Western standards, that's just the way things are here. It's all about tradition and culture. As I've mentioned before on this website, tradition, culture, and family are everything to the people, and especially when it comes to traditional dating. Locals here base their courting rituals on lessons and information passed down from generation to generation. Dating is a cultural custom, and while there has been some Western influence that has changed things a bit, most Filipinos still stick to the old ways. Personally, I find this refreshing and believe it's the right way to go for a lasting relationship. Filipinas who come from a traditional, conservative (Catholic) background, like most, are often taught that
virginity is the greatest gift they can give to their future husband. This belief contributes to the lengthy courting process here. Locals may take months or even years to court someone, which can be surprising to Westerners used to quick romances that often end in divorce. Some may see this slow and careful courting process as immature, but it's not.
However, things may not always go this way when a foreigner is involved. I've noticed that women in the Philippines tend to fall in love quickly, but they often don't act on it right away because they want to be sure of their feelings. It's important to remember that in the Philippines, there is no divorce, so marriage is seen as a lifelong commitment. Generally, locals don't rush into dating relationships. However, when a Filipina dates a foreigner, she may feel pressured to move faster than she normally would due to fear of missing out on a potential relationship. It's common for women from poorer countries to seek better opportunities in life, and there's nothing wrong with that. When a Filipina dates a foreigner, her family, faith, culture, and personal needs all play a significant role in her decision-making process. Understanding this can improve your chances of finding a lasting and meaningful relationship. One interesting aspect of dating here is that age isn't a big factor. Many Filipinas see age as just a number and prioritize love over age. In fact, some prefer older men because they are perceived as more stable and balanced. While a Filipina may dream of a young, handsome partner, societal norms and family expectations often prioritize emotional and financial support over physical attraction. When you marry a Filipina, you're not just marrying her - you're marrying her whole family. So, if her father, brothers, or uncles want to grab a drink with you to bond and get to know you better, don't turn them down. Embrace the fact that you've been accepted and welcomed into their family. But, a word of caution... In a place where money is scarce and some people are driven by greed, there are scam artists who may try to take advantage of you and your emotions. Most women here are not like that, but it's important to be aware and take precautions. (Please see the scammers page for more information) Enjoy life, but stay vigilant.
What to expect, what to do and not do!
When you ask a girl out on a date and she says "yes," it means she's interested in getting to know you better. Going out on a date doesn't make anything official, it just means you're spending time together to see if you click. It's all about having fun and seeing if you want to keep seeing each other. It's common for a girl to bring a friend or relative along on a few dates as a chaperone, so don't take it personally. It's just a precaution. In Filipino culture, being direct isn't always the norm. As you spend more time together and feelings develop, it's up to the guy to take the next step and ask the girl to be his girlfriend. Being a macho man isn't necessary, but being a gentleman is!
Respect, morals, and good manners are very important. Respect and try to understand the culture and traditions that have influenced her. It's important to grasp how these factors have shaped her personality and behavior. You don't have to agree with everything, but don't ignore it either. One key thing to keep in mind is cleanliness, which is a big deal for Filipinos, especially women. It's crucial to be clean, take a fresh
shower, shave, and put on some nice cologne. Dressing nicely in slacks and a dress shirt always makes a good impression too. Remember, you want to be at your best for her. Make sure your hair is well-groomed and, let's be real, trim or shave down there! Most Filipinas prefer to keep things neat and tidy. They also tend to like men who are clean-shaven. I've heard they're not fans of facial hair because it looks unkempt and
dirty to them.
Keep in mind, you're aiming to be a step up from the local culture. As the man, it's your responsibility to plan and organize the date from start to finish. You can go with the flow, but it's better to have some basic plans in place, like where to go, what to eat, and what activities she might enjoy. And remember, you're footing the bill for everything, including transportation! One big mistake that can quickly turn a
Filipina off is coming on too strong! In my opinion, Filipinas are generally more reserved, accommodating, and sensitive as compared to most foreigners. They are also incredibly hospitable, family-oriented, and caring. However, they tend to get loud only when they're excited. It's considered very disrespectful and even illegal in many places to yell in anger or cause a scene in public. In fact, some foreigners have been
kicked out of this country for doing just that recently. While it might be acceptable in other places, it's definitely a big no-no here! Many people think Filipinas are shy, but it's more about avoiding confrontation than being timid. They would rather ignore a situation than get into a yelling match. This can give off the impression that they're on the shy side, but I see it more as being reserved. Another thing to avoid is
showing much affection in public. Even if you really like or love someone, it's best to save the affection for when you're alone. While holding hands in public is becoming more accepted, it's still more common to see couples walking arm in arm. My advice is to observe the locals and learn about the customs here. Avoid any public displays of affection beyond hand-holding, or you'll likely end up embarrassing your partner. Just
take it slow and respect their boundaries to make a good impression.